Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Prov 5:18 (NASB)
My greatest joy in life in the Lord is my wife. I often realize that through her God has granted me most everything worthwhile in my life. She was the wife of my youth literally, and I do rejoice in her always.
I remember being young and in love. All of my high school friends dreamed of the experience sang about in this song. Everyone’s goal in relationships was to live these words, to have someone who would “…feel like lovin [you], giving [you]me a lifetime of devotion, I second that emotion!“ Of course every couple back then felt their destiny was to experience true love with the one they were in a relationship with and whom they intended at that time to marry.
Smokey Robinson had one thing right when he said “…if you FEEL like lovin me…“ I have said before that love is not a feeling (it may cause feelings); we do not FALL in and out of love with someone. What most identify as love is actually physical attraction or plain ole lust. But in a way he is right on here. You chose to love someone and to give them your lifetime of devotion. It is a choice, it is not something that suddenly happens and all of a sudden you look at your spouse and realize you do not love them. You chose to either love someone or not to love them. I have heard people speak of their spouse and say “I just don’t love him/her anymore.” No, they may have made a conscious choice not to love that person, but again, it was a conscious choice.
I was reading an article the other day on why women cheat. One of the things listed was boredom with their current marriage or relationship. Another was that their mate was a workaholic and gone all the time and when they were home there was little left for them. Whatever the reason, they chose to be unfaithful to their spouse. And Christian men and women are as statistically prone to adultery as any other demographic today. Christian men and women who are married must remember they are called upon to not only be faithful to their God given mate but also to their God. Adultery by a Christian not only breaks the covenant with their spouse but more-so with their God.
OK, so let’s think first of all why people are attracted to one another in the first place. People are usually drawn into romantic relationships by a variety of factors. These include proximity, physical attraction, similarities, etc. My wife and I met at church and attended high school together; we were high school sweethearts. So we are an example of a couple who initially came together through proximity, there was a physical attraction, and through the friendship that developed we learned of many similarities we had, even in the area of faith.
Seldom do people get together outside of a proximity to each other. This happens when we meet someone at church, the gym, organizations you are involved in or even people you work with. This is why I so caution married couples in their personal outside relationships…you have to build in guards against finding yourself in a relationship that initially is completely benign but over time (proximity) and over time might become emotional. It is important in society today that we have friendships outside our marriages and with other couples, but caution is advised. This is especially true if your situation is that there are issues in your marriage. Never, never share difficulties in your marriage with a member of the opposite sex with whom you have an acquaintance. This is often how emotional relationships begin between people and can lead to problems. When one becomes too close to another there is the potential for trouble.
“…so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.”
2 Cor 2:11 (NASB)
A one-flesh marriage where two people are in covenant with God is something that Satan fears. He and his minions will stop at nothing to destroy such union, and he has a wealth of resources to use against us in society today. God has designed us a tool against these devices – the sexual union and relationship between a man and his wife to assist us in staying the course in purity here:
“…come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
1 Cor 7:5 (NASB)
One of the excuses I have heard in men who are caught in extra-marital affairs was that their needs were not being met by their spouses in the area of sexual relations. This excuse is yet another of Satan’s schemes, which God designed marital sex to defend against in the first place. This is an issue of self control. What is actually happening here is that their hearts are wicked:
“The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? “I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the min…”
Jer 17:9-10 (NASB)
One of the things I frequently hear that tell me a lot about a persons Biblical knowledge and spiritual maturity is advice they often give in saying “Trust your heart.” How can you trust what God has decreed is sick (wicked)?
One of the biggest blessings of my life is my Proverbs 31 wife. A couple attributes found there that I am proud of in her are:
The heart of her husband trusts in her….Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
Prov 31:,11, 25 (NASB)
My wife and I vowed a lifetime of devotion to one another in 1976; my prayer for you is that you will devote a ‘lifetime of devotion’ to your mate. It is your choice.